I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
