the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
