Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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