is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
