May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
