Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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