I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
