I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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