I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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