Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
