Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
