i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
