Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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