I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
