Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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