dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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