i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
