no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
