We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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