quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
