We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
