You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Randomize
