I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
