I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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