Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
