im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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