Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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