I just threw up on my dentist
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
