the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
