Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
