Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
