So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
