I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My vagina is very pro this idea
I DEMAND FORESKIN
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
