Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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