Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
