I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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