i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i dont even know how to be here
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
