you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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