I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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