Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
