I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
