I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
handjob tips. give me some.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
