I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
