NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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