I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
