What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
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