Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
