he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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