i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
