i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
